You Love Me

Was it my intuition, are you saying what I hoped you say?
My imagination has been a source of pleasure as much as it’s been a source of my pain.
Only in my dreams, have you been there.
Silently encouraging me to let my feelings show.
Planting the seeds; standing there watching as hope begins to grow.
Awake, I’ve always been afraid to let my feelings show.
I wanted to open up to you, but kept it to myself instead
The boldness was only present inside my head.
Awake I was filled with dread.
The vibrations of your voice
Sends sensations throughout my core;
Creating special tempos that have me screaming for more.
More you…
More time…more opportunities to make this real
Let me show you how your touches make me feel.
The desire for your nearness…
Burned a hole within my heart
Your hand stroking my hair,
The soft, smooth motions of your embraces
Left ambers burning softly….

I longed to hear the words you spoke; they burn me to my core
I’m longing to hear more…

You

My heart aches at the beauty of your words
you follow my moods
and the swayings of my soul
your feelings for me runs deep
truly, i’m in heaven
when our thoughts meet
you ease my mind, with the kindness of your ways
i want to be with you for the rest of my days

I’ve always felt your love for me
even from the very start
you seem to hold a space for me
in the deepest corners of your heart
like my cool morning breeze
you bring me to my knees
no matter what you do,
my world rotates around you

I tell You that I love you
with every breathe within my being
when I look into your eyes
I find my true meaning
the reflections of the passion-
of you and I laying-
don’t worry babe
I’m staying

what I’ve wanted to say
and should have said from the start
you’re not that far away from me
I hold you in my heart.

Morning Light

Like an early morning stretch
after a good night’s rest
with the sun shining brightly
and the birds chirping lightly,
the day brings new promises.

Like the feel of cool rain
when it hits the hot ground
and the flowers that sprouts on my path.
it’s the freshness in the air,
it’s running through grassy fields with no care,
It reflects the happiness
once lost, now found.

The outlook seems so bright,
with this new morning light,
haven spoken my peace last night.
Like the 4Th leaf in the clover,
negativity must move over
reveling a soul on fire.

The focus has returned
the lessons have been learned
the world continues to turn.
There IS peace in clarity
returning to the authentic me
and truly loving that which I see.

With the morning light,
everything seems bright.
there is no more fight within my soul.
being true to myself is what I hold.

Heart’s Cry

Until I know just who I am…

I’ll stand.
Until I can understand what I feel & continue to be true
With who I am and what I do…
I’ll stand.
Why should I care if you don’t see me?
Why should it be of any concern?
First- loving me is what I needed to learn
Through all of this.

I needed to spend time with me,

To be quiet before I could see,
You’re also part of the problem,
It wasn’t only me.
I don’t judge you,
So I shouldn’t judge me.

I’m here, I’m here…

Even if you can’t see me.
I’m here, I’m here…
Even if you don’t like what you see
And may never understand me

I’m not all that bad,

I don’t want to spend most of my time mad
I fight all of the time
To be treated with kindness and love
It’s true— but despite my anger;
I still care for you.

Really… It started with your eyes

They spoke of a sadness unexpressed
They spoke of events of the past that you seemed to regret.
The conversations we shared touched my soul..
The sadness you wore made me want to heal your soul’s sores.

You played me.

You made me feel like I helped

You made me think that we were friends.

You made me think my advice was welcomed and that it mattered;

I now know better—–

I now hide within my own shelter,

Where it’s safe from judgments;

all feelings suppressed
My eyes are focused forward—

I live with no regrets.

That sadness you give off- like a blanket that you wear— I don’t care.

I should never have cared from the start.

****Rewind****

Rewind the tape to the day that I met you.

Wipe out that smile that I first presented to you.

Erase the help that I gave to you.

Remember all of the angry eyes that fell upon you?

Forget those set of eyes that had compassion for you.

Yeah, I knew that phone call was connected to you.

I overlooked it, because that’s what I do.

I didn’t care what she thought, I cared about you.

Forget the talks, the walks, the smiles.

Talks on Politics, family, religion; advice.

Forget all of that, I was just being nice.

My soul no longer cares that you’re drowning inside

Or the look of sadness in your eyes– that try so hard to hide.

My soul doesn’t care that you no longer smile.

I’m not a doormat.

You were right to say, “Watch your back.”

You had told me that from the very start.

What you should have warned me about

was to also protect my heart.

That’s my Heart’s Cry….

you lied.

Where does it go???

When Love is over… where does it go??

Maybe there is a pool and all of the lost love, once discarded, is placed into this pool. And when there is a child that feels unloved, one just has to lead that child to the pool. What if that pool symbolizes the Love that Jesus has for us all. So the love doesn’t die, it is just set aside for those who need it more.

Just saying

*****Exhale*****

Backstory….

Someone really upset me @ work.
***Inhale***
Let me take off my earrings
let me rub Vaseline on my elbows
I got to speak what’s on my mind
before we come to blows…….
Slow down….
and notice the charge in the air.
Be quiet….
so that you can hear, what’s not being said.
No words needs to be spoken,
there needs not be those special looks being passed,
Through the stillness of your silence—
You know…..
I can read your thoughts?
No words needs to pass from your lips
your actions shouts what’s really in your heart.
I have to speak it…..
It’s like a terrible itch…
I have never–ever—met a man
who acts more like a B-t-h!!!
You sit and stare at me?
and pretend that I’m not there?
You talk to your boyz about me??
You think I can not hear??
look into a mirror….
and remember what’s between your legs…
do you need someone to tell you??
and explain what it is that you see?
Look…..
there’s only ONE bi-ch in my story…..
It AN’T you…
that Bitch is me!!!
Sit-down..
***** Exhale*******

A word from God

When did I know that I would meet a godly man? How did I know what to look for, so that when he came around, I would not overlook him?

From my journal 1998

Upon leaving church tonight, I received my word from God, “It’s done..” and again, I heard “It’s done. He is on his way. Focus on Me, Praise Me. Remain pure in your thoughts and deeds, and he will find you. He is on the way. It is done. I have heard your prayers and it is done.”
———————————-*******————————————–
In 1998, I knew that I was to meet a man that was Godly. He was the one that God would have me be with. The only other Godly man in my life at that time was my grandfather. We would go to church three days a week (Sunday, Wednesday,Friday). He was a man to be feared as much as to be loved. I wanted a man like him. My granddad was dependable, he was committed to his family, he was committed to his God, he was committed to living his life. Surely the man that God had for me would be like him.

In 2004, I started my life with the man that God had in mind for me. He is committed to his family, he is committed to living his life, he is dependable. Together, we are committed to living a Godly life.

God is always on time. Had it not been for my grandfather, showing me what a Godly man is, I would no have seen that same look in my husband’s eyes.

The tree

From Journal 1998

26 June 1998

I looked out my window this morning, the tree that they carelessly cut down months ago refuses to be held down. Beautiful leaves are again springing out as if to say “I will stand. Even under attack, I will stand.” It may even be more beautiful now that it had been months ago, before they cut the tree down.

Oh how that tree had inspired me to be better. The tree taught me to stand. To stand for who I am. No matter what type of challenges came my way.

Sybil

One minute you’re happy
the next you’re sad
One day you love me…
The next day,
I make you mad.

I tried to make you love me
by being what you want..
but like the changing winds…
your restlessness starts.

Tell me how to love you
tell me what to say
show me that you want to be with me
each and every day.

I don’t know how to reach you
you seem so far away