Until I know just who I am…
Until I can understand what I feel & continue to be true
With who I am and what I do…
Why should I care if you don’t see me?
Why should it be of any concern?
First- loving me is what I needed to learn
Through all of this.
I needed to spend time with me,
To be quiet before I could see,
You’re also part of the problem,
It wasn’t only me.
I don’t judge you,
So I shouldn’t judge me.
I’m here, I’m here…
Even if you can’t see me.
I’m here, I’m here…
Even if you don’t like what you see
And may never understand me
I’m not all that bad,
I don’t want to spend most of my time mad
I fight all of the time
To be treated with kindness and love
It’s true— but despite my anger;
I still care for you.
Really… It started with your eyes
They spoke of a sadness unexpressed
They spoke of events of the past that you seemed to regret.
The conversations we shared touched my soul..
The sadness you wore made me want to heal your soul’s sores.
You played me.
You made me feel like I helped
You made me think that we were friends.
You made me think my advice was welcomed and that it mattered;
I now know better—–
I now hide within my own shelter,
Where it’s safe from judgments;
all feelings suppressed
My eyes are focused forward—
I live with no regrets.
That sadness you give off- like a blanket that you wear— I don’t care.
I should never have cared from the start.
Rewind the tape to the day that I met you.
Wipe out that smile that I first presented to you.
Erase the help that I gave to you.
Remember all of the angry eyes that fell upon you?
Forget those set of eyes that had compassion for you.
Yeah, I knew that phone call was connected to you.
I overlooked it, because that’s what I do.
I didn’t care what she thought, I cared about you.
Forget the talks, the walks, the smiles.
Talks on Politics, family, religion; advice.
Forget all of that, I was just being nice.
My soul no longer cares that you’re drowning inside
Or the look of sadness in your eyes– that try so hard to hide.
My soul doesn’t care that you no longer smile.
I’m not a doormat.
You were right to say, “Watch your back.”
You had told me that from the very start.
What you should have warned me about
was to also protect my heart.
That’s my Heart’s Cry….