Month: May 2011

Reflections

Skyy2
…Of a Peaceful Month.
The Month of May, will always mark the spot in time that I wiped the steam off the mirror of my daily existence here. This has been such a stress-free time that I had to sit back and reflect on why I have been so happy. What changes have come to me this month that has been different from the months proceeding it? Have I changed my hair color again? No. Have I been logging my run mileage again? No.
Much has to do with the fact that I no longer have to pack up a suit case and prepare for another business trip. That in its self have taken a lot off of my shoulders. No, it’s more than that. I haven’t felt this free since the months that I was pregnant with Anna. I can mark the exact time, and the event that set my soul adrift here. What I should have done was to let it go and go on about my happiness and enjoy my family and my time with my family.
And I had. I enjoy my family. I enjoy the time that I have with them and the chance to grow with them. I enjoy watching my kids grow up and start the next phase in their journeys.
But my soul was in shambles because I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to fit in on a job that my heart wasn’t in to begin with.
I associated with people that I would never have associated with all with the attempt to fit in. I smiled and pretended that surely they were not whispering about me. Whispering about my family. Even when the truth was in front of me time and time again…. I looked the other way. I figured that once they got to know me; know my story, they would realize that I was not the rumours. I stood on my convictions.
I was not happy here. Not because of my “bi-polar” ways as was stated…. I was unhappy because I had constantly chased after approval from a group of people whose hearts were black, whose hands were dirty and whose only concern was to appear to be the best, but not doing the work of people who are the best.

No one lived in honesty here – including me. Because had I been honest with myself, I wouldn’t have cared one bit what others thought about me, or what others said about me. Had I been honest with myself, I would not have been so offended at the lack of compassion I received throughout my miracle pregnancy and delivery.
If your first thought about some one’s ill child is ……”glad it isn’t me” and not “I pray for the child and the family” how could I expect any understanding for ANY part of my story.

Am I a difficult person to Love? Yes…
But I know Love when I see it, and when I love….I love.

My friends love me. I have no doubt about that. If I never meet another person in my profession that whats to be around me…. That’s fine. Because in the month of May I realized that if this profession has a “secret club” that allows some in and keep others out, I want to be left out.
As I watched my son receive his High School Diploma I realized that I am a parent of an adult. High School ways, High School days are over.
As I watch the news every morning, I realize that life is short….. and getting shorter. I need to stand by my convictions.
If I never have another “friend” from my profession…. That is quite alright, because I love the friends that I do have. And they Love me.
They love my messy house,
They love my stinky dog,
They love me when I’m 180lbs,
They love me when I’m 145lbs.
They love my story
and I love theirs.

I have no problem separating personal from professional. When I’m accused of not “carrying my own”, from people that do not strive for excellence, that’s professional. When I’m prepared- while others skate by- that’s professional. When I’m accused of not putting my profession over my family- and have not backed down from any obligations because of family obligations- while others have- that’s professional. If others receive credit for work I’ve done; and silently taken the praise- that’s professional.

I set out to prove my value..
and I’m happy to report….
I am a value…
..and I don’t have to compromise my values to fit in.
I don’t have to fit in to get the job done.
And my enemies needs to stay far away….. because I only allow my friends to get close.
I’m happy because spring cleaning your home is good. It’s therapeutic. It’s needed.
But sweeping off your Platform and cleaning up your soul——- will save your life.

Happiness

Skyy2

It’s been a while on this blog…..
But I’ve been searching and I’ve finally found …. ME…. No more hatred, no more bitterness. Just Me. I’ve had to walk away from people that was drawing me into darkness. Since walking away, I’ve been so much happier. My hubby is happier. And I hope to believe that I am less gullible than I had been the last 2 years.

I had to listen to my own voice that was telling me to walk away…stay away.. I had gathered enough strength to do it. Life here has finally become stress free. No more do I care about others opinions of me or what I do, or how I live my life.

Only Option

Skyy2
When life gets hairy
when things seems scary
Sometimes I just wanted to cry.

When life is wonderful
when karma gives nothing but good.
when fear doesn’t stop the try.

When the sun’s rays are blocked by the trees
when uncertainly causes me to freeze.
To myself, I will not lie.

Hand in hand
we walk through
nothing compares to being with you.

No matter what choices are thrown into my face
no matter who tries to present a better case
it’s not hard for those choices to receive a shun,
Now and forever,
You’ll be my only option.

Personal Platforms

Skyy2

“A point of view is worth 50 IQ points” Warren Benis

We should live by our convictions. We should stand for something. According to “Change the way you see yourself”, our voice rings clearly, our mind creates meaning, and our ideas and promises hold sway – people will gravitate towards us.

It is important to have a personal platform that reflect the values and passions that underlie your beliefs.

Start by completing the following:

I believe…… ( I believe that God is God)
I want……. (I want true happiness and success for my family and friends)
I declare…….. ( I declare that I am loved and am able to give love)
My hope…….. (My hope is to see my children’s children)
My desire……… (My desire is to experience a love like no other)
My dream…….. (My dream is for true happiness and peace)

It is never too late to develop a personal platform if you don’t already have one. I have found out that people who have their own platform, tends to not jump on others stages.

Although it is nice to occasionally to have someone share your stage, no one wants to reveal their hopes and dreams to someone that do not have their own personal platform.

The reason being….. before you know it, the other person take on your dreams and hopes. You then lose your passion. Your passions are drained.

I have met people who changes to become like the people that they hang around. Whether this is done to form a bond with another person, to find a common ground, or to trick someone into thinking that there is more of a connection than there really is. When you imitate someone else, you are living a lie.

We all do it at times.

When you first meet someone of the opposite sex that you want to get to know…… you want that person to want to be with you so you “like what he likes” you “do what he does” you “eat what he eats.” All with the attempt for him to see how compatible you both are.

But your true self always makes an appearance eventually. Because it is hard to keep being someone that you’re not.

Look at it from the point of view of the person you mirror. When your true self is revealed and it is discovered that you really share no common interest, the person will feel dooped! The person will feel that they had been taken for a ride. Worst of all…. The person may not really like the true you and would not have been with you; had you revealed your true self from the beginning.

Life is wonderful… When you meet someone who shares a similar platform that you have.

Life is hell… when you meet someone who appears to have a similar platform, but it is discovered that the their true platform is opposite the power of convictions that you live by.

Joy is leaving it all behind when you discover that someone is distracting you from enjoying your own platform.

Dreams of my Music Man

Skyy2
Ever wonder why music from certain decade pulls at your heart strings?
Take me, I like to sit back and close my eyes and listen to music from the late 60’s and 70’s. When Elton John sang… Don’t let the Sun go Down on Me……He touched a place that was deep inside my soul.

Paul Davis sang a song that made me long to have a Sweet Life……I longed to meet the man who would make my dreams come true.

How many times did I play this song over and over again when I was growing up? How many times did I envision the man who would give me that Sweet Life?

Young and romantic as I was…. I thought his name would be Daniel…..Thanks to Elton.

Sweet Life…..Paul Davis

She’s got your eyes
She’s got my nose
Oh, and I get high just watching her grow
We always dreamed we’d live in a castle, oh but
We’re in the same old shack
Sometimes we get into a hassle
But we always take each other back
Oh, you know
This whole world seem to be in a hurry
But darlin‘ we’ll just keep on taking our time
‘Cause we’re living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life
Sharing my love with you
Oh, we’re living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life
making our dreams come true
we’re makin our dreams come true

It’s odd, how life imitates art. The 70’s music sang of a simpler time, a simpler life. It sang of a deeper love. Of a pure love that could span a lifetime and beyond. That love was not what other person could do for you, or how much money another person could give to you. It wasn’t about possessions, or about how big the “bling” was. It was about how you felt when you spent time with your love.

The same year that Sweet Life was released…. Paul Davis sang about how his heart could not hide an old feeling inside of a lost love. When he saw that love again…. he’d go crazy.

REO Speedwagon sang; although released in 1984; about not being able to fight that love feeling any longer. In the song, a man falls in love with his friend. He could no longer deny the intense emotion that his love brought out within him.

Even if he had to crawl across the floor, come crashing through her door, he couldn’t fight that feeling anymore.

I wanted that feeling. My youthful dreams were about those feelings. And about a man who could break through the walls that I had built and exhume those feelings of intense love and desire.

As I drove back home from a long stay away, I listened to the music that moved my soul. I realized that my love for that music was rapped in a dream of who that music would direct my heart to. A man that would start out as a friend. Who would not let the sun go down on me. Who would come crashing through my doors of doubt and distrust. Who, without him, I’d go crazy. Who would give me such a sweet life.

As I drove up my driveway that day, he walked out of our home with our daughter in his hands. I realized, there….there was my music man. There was the man of my dreams…

We walked into our home together, to continue our Sweet Life.
Skyy2

Mission Statements: A mission statement is a formal, short, written statement of the purpose of a company or organization. The mission statement should guide the actions of the organization, spell out its overall goal, provide a sense of direction, and guide decision-making. It provides “the framework or context within which the company’s strategies are formulated.
…………Wikipedia

According to Personal Mission Statement.com

A personal mission statement provides clarity and gives you a sense of purpose. It defines who you are and how you will live.

*******************My mission statement**************************
Written May 1999
My Mission in life is to live in Christ.
To learn how to love with my whole heart. To give my time and
attention to my family and treasure each and every
moment I am given with them.
I will use the time given to me wisely,
by being the best person that I can be each and every day.
I will leave a legacy of love, commitment,
devotion, and loyalty for my children to follow.
I will continually seek ways to improve myself
through self-study, education, and positive experiences.
I will not look towards the past to validate my future,
but strive towards the goal of bringing others to the love of God.
I will let go of all hurtful experiences brought on by others
opinions,
and create for myself new experiences to map my future.
I acknowledge that God is God and His ways are righteous
and I will live by His Word.
I will live to Love.
I will live to Learn.
I will live to Serve.
In a world that has forgotten God, I will raise my kids to acknowledge
and respect the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
I will provide a sound Christian home that is always open and loving
to my family.
I promise to be me, even when no one is looking,
and teach my kids to do the same.
Long ago, I sat down and decided what was important to me. Whenever I forget myself, I refer back to my mission statement. It was time (beyond time), for me to look up and remember who Skyy is and who Skyy is not.

Chapters

Skyy2

The joy of owning a new book.
The joy of all blank, fresh new pages.
we all come to decisions in life that brings about changes.,,
Standing in a field of flowers..
breathing in a crisp, cool breath.
I had to die to self
so I could live with no regrets.
no more shadows, no more whispers
no more knowing things were wrong.
Skyy has always, always, always been so strong.
Reflections from the mirror was not who I wanted to see.
Quiet, Peace, Alone-ness….
brought me back to being me.
breathing in…
then breathing out….
close your eyes and know without a doubt
unhealthy relations wears you out.
If I could whisper about a friend, then look that friend in the eye..
and lie…
and never question why….
I’m not a friend.
no matter how many hours spent trying,
I’m tired of lying..
It hurts my heart to see your soul dying.
I’m committed to a path in life… I’m determined to treat others right
but I must start with me….
one day… maybe not now…
you’ll see
separation…
brings out the best… in you
But more importantly…
The best — in me.

The End of the Story

Skyy2

Your Story…..

I wonder what’s going on round me…
I wonder what others see..
There seems to be some drama..
I know has nothing to do with me!!
I’m caught up in others issues
I don’t know how to steer clear.
My mind is in shambles
and I’m drowning…. I fear.
I want to be supportive,
I want to show I care….
but darkness seems to follow me….
the craziness is to near…
my heart cannot take this.
I need to break free.
I miss who I am on the inside…
I miss what I like to be…
the more I’m surrounded by drama…
I more I lose the real me..

I love you…
I really do.
your friendship means the world to me…
but I can no longer listen….
because lately, I’ve been missing
Me.

..Back when I lived my story…
I loved to dance and sing,
life, to me, was beautiful… life was care-free.
I loved to sit and watch the sun rise
and read and read and read.
Back when….I smiled at what I saw when I looked into the mirror
back when…. I ran and sang to life
because there were no shadows.
life was not a fight.
your shadows are too much for me.

It makes me forget to sing,
I keep looking over my shoulders
and wondering what more your shadow
will bring.

I have to get back to when…
So….this must end.

In order to get back to me….
I can no longer worry..
I can no longer live

……your story.

Please….let me go… I go with love..

Skyy

They try

Skyy2

For “T”

It’s hard… to put out a light that shines so bright,
It takes more than anger…
more than pure brute might
to harden a heart so pure…
You’re one in a million….
You show that you care…
No matter how they try… stay out of their Lear…
when the sky starts to fall…. you don’t want to be near.

Stay strong…
stay true…
A true professional….
That would be you.