Month: July 2011

Shrugging

I’m still working my way through this book. There are parts that I like about the book.  As stated, I like the way the Dagny works hard. I like the way that she finds ways around the obstacles as a result of the government imposed rules and law that limit that amount of production that she can produce therefore limiting her success.
I don’t like the fact that at every turn it is expected that those who don’t work reap the rewards from those who actually work. I’ve always had the core belief that “if you don’t work…you don’t eat”.  I’ve always liked to eat; therefore I work!!! But this book, so far is taking it to the extreme. The hard workers are being penalized for working hard. Others sit back and wait on the government to assist with laws to limit what others are doing to ensure that they (the slackers) have just as much.  So what would be the reward for hard work?

She believed that the purpose of live was pursuit of one’s own happiness.  I differ there too. I

Ok……..

I will continue to read Atlas Shrugged because I want see how it ends………

Me and Hubby— My bestest of friend!!!

New Pepsi recruit!!!!!

I have found my peace!!! It’s like an old, faithful friend that have returned from a long vacation away.
Living out of a suitcase and sitting back reading, relaxing have been the pill that i needed to rediscover my santurary.
Devotions are still going strong– Reading about God’s great love for His people that are still relevant today.

Days are being spent reconnecting with old relations and meeting new.  Mom has been wonderful!  Her home is filled to the max and she is taking it in strides.  We have gone to the gym (thanks to the free pass) and I am able to sweat  a little. Spending my time on the treadmill, listening to Fernando Ortega singing about this good day, being a gift.  And it truly is a gift from God.

It’s always fun to learn new things, and right now, I am still trying to wrap up my fitness database. I’m thinking that I should have paid more attention in class when we studied Microsoft Access!!

This book is better than I originally thought that it would be.  I keep finding passages that I want to highlight.

 Dagny speaking to Francisco: “Contradictions do not exist.  Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises.  You will find that one of them is wrong.”

So far I really like Dagny’s character. The world seems to be going crazy around her and she is trying to understand it. Not only that but she sets out to make a change.
I may put another of her books on my to-read list.

Day two on the road. Time to stop and have a sitdown lunch with the family. This is so wonderful!!! It feels so good being on the road surrounded by love! I’m not suspicious of anyone’s intentions towards me. There are no shadows, no rummors, just love. I was reading over my earlier entries and prior blog and am amazed that even let certain people into my circle! Quite honestly, I’ve always known that I didn’t want to be around them. I was trying to fit in and be a “team player” funny, playing for the wrong team!!! Man!! What a wasted 3 years!! At least my work was excellent, Anna’s happy, got to spend time with my sister, and got my teeth straighten!!! Not bad!!! Love all!!!

So far, we have been driving since 7:00 this morning. After 2 hours, I was ready to look for a hotel!!! So tell me why I can drive back and forth to Wisconsin and I can’t go 100 miles when I don’t have to. Wonder if it’s because I’m not getting paid mileage!!!
Another observation. How is it that I can drop 7 pounds in a week when I stop trying? Guess that there is mass weight when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Chasing Wind



 Chasing after the wind,
wondering what the new will bring
looking at the past
thankful bad relations never last
Breathing a sigh of relief
truly not carring about other’s beliefs
of what I should be
of what I should do
and of what I should think.

Loving myself no matter what
Knowing my heart is in the right place
standing my ground with all the negativity I’ve faced
It’s okay to be just as I am,
It’s okay that I took a stand.
It’s okay that I left the way that I did
It’s okay to pretend that I never lived,
because my life has nothing to do with yours,
my joys are not based you how you see me.
I am free in the Lord to be me.
To Love and Sing
to Laugh and to Cry
and not chasing the Wind
by asking why.
why wasn’t I accepted
why was my son’s life affected
when will Karma return the favor

Sitting and thinking on these things
is pretty much chasing of the wind
Time to get up and start anew
time to let go of all of you….
who cares of your opinions….
I laugh at you minions!!

shoo flies, shoo
I’m free of all of you.

While leafing through the past, I found some undated Love Letters that I wrote to the boys while I was away.  I am assuming that it was during my first trip to the Middle East.  It had been the first time that I had been away from the boys since my trip to Korea in 1998.

Gabriel’s
Our hearts are miles apart
but my love for you burns strong.
Even in this distant place
my mind is on the first time I seen your face.
Your eyes, your hair, your smile…
is keeping me alive.
and in my mind,
I hold you tight.
You are my oldest son
and life without you is no fun.
So hold me in your heart
save all my kisses
As my eyes mist at this time that
we’re apart.
This is a love letter to you.

Brandon:
This is for my little man and all the love he brings.
To me you’re more than just “little man”
You are my little king.
I work and work to make you smile
because I know your heart is mine.
you’re sweet,
you’re tough
and I love you so very much.
Next time I see you,
I’m going to pinch your cheeks.
I’ll pat your head
and then put you to bed.
Because you need your sleep.
This is my love letter to you.

7/9/98
Titled:  Annissa Gail

Annissa Gail, you have never come to be.
I will never rock you gently
upon my knees.
Although I’ll never birth you,
nor see your pretty little smile,
Annissa,
you’ve lived in my heart for a long while.
You’ll always be in my mind and in my heart.
I love you Anna,
Even from the very start.
                          Sydney

As I go through the pages of yesteryear, I’m coming across signs that remind me of my heart’s desires. When this was written in 1998, I was alone in Korea and missing my boys.  I pulled out a page in my book and listed my kids names; first and middle and decided to write a poem to the little girl of my heart. At the time I wanted to believe that Anna would come about, but by the writing, you could tell I had no faith.
But life has a way of making you believe. 
Fast forward to 2009.
I’m sure that I’ve had plenty “Red Sea” moments.  The times that I know that only God could have brought it about- going through my past is bringing me closer to God and by getting closer to God, I realize what is truly important and what isn’t.
To God be the glory for the things He has done.