Well… the end of another year.  Time for reflections and New Year’s Resolutions.

So… where should I start?  2012 has been a pretty good year.  More good, than bad has happened this year!  The surprise Promotion, the weight gain, the weight loss.. Hubby and I are as closer than ever!  Anna is getting bigger and bigger.  She is so smart that it’s amazing. I am constantly amazed at the things that she says and understands at 3 years old.

At the end of the day… you have to do what makes you happy

What made me happy in 2012:

Researching… spent many hours researching religion, spirituality, and the Bible

Reading…. Read many different types of books this year…by far my favorite are the Luke’s Light books by Gott.  My least favorite series was the 50 shades of grey.  I know that everyone really liked this books, however, I have yet to make it through them all.  I find that I like to read books about the Civil War, Jewish History, mysteries, and of course Romance.  Favorite authors: Robin Cook, Iris Johansen, Jean M. Auel, Diana Gabaldon, and Lisa Gardner. I wonder if I can really read all the books in my library!!  It would be so nice…..

T.V… some of the T.V series that I’ve fallen for this year…. LOST!!  Yes it’s old and no longer on the air, but this by far has been my favorite since the FRIENDS series.  I’m still working my way through “The Gilmore Girls” and “24” Box set on DVD. I’m in love with the show “How I met your mother”.

Fitness:  New fitness purchases this year… LES MILLS PUMP, THE ULTIMATE  YOGI, ZUMBA EXHILARATE and ATLETICA– not forgetting that I have Cathe’s new series on the way as we speak.  So, I’m set with the programs, just need to keep putting the DVD into the DVD player and push play.  But still my favorite type of exercise is running.  My treadmill put in many miles in 2012!  I’ve added another Elliptical trainer and bounce between the treadmill, the elliptical trainer and the Spin bike.  I really need to focus!!!   I’m just blessed that I have the tools that I need to get back into shape…. and I will get back into shape!

Sewing:  I haven’t made not one outfit this year!!  😦  Little bummed about that, but there is always tomorrow… right?

Cooking more:  No comment….. (but more than 2011…)

So… what does 2013 look like???

It looks like 2012 only better! Brighter! Happier! Healthier!   It’s all good.

In 2012, I learned that no one can stop the hand of God! Even I couldn’t get in my own way to stop a blessing. I learned that not everyone will like me… Hell… everyone may even hate me… but as long as I love myself…. I’m good.

No doubt…no regrets….no manipulations…. no high expectations….

Life…. IS….

I… AM (by the Grace of God)

Bring on 2013

More living….more laughing… more loving


So.. I’ve decided to stop trying so hard…. Who am I trying to fool?  I know that I’m pretty much burned out on friendships.  I would love to be the type of person that “hangs out” with others and go drinking and eating and all kinds of social events, but that isn’t me…. It isn’t me..

I’ve tried and tried to maintain good relationships and be “friendly”, but that is saying that something about myself is wrong.  Must I be a person surrounded by people? Must I constantly have a smile on my face and a witty thing to say?  I don’t believe that I need to.   And I shouldn’t down myself if I just want to spend time alone with my family or just reading a good book.  There are so few hours in a day that I’m not at work and stressing over other people’s emergencies.  The few hours that I have remaining, I would just love to spend at home, quietly, with my family.

The older I get, the more that I realize that it is OK to want to be surrounded by the few people who I trust.

So.. from now on, I’m a loner….. I guess that I’ve always been a loner… I was just convinced that there was something wrong with it.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be by myself……. I have been burned in the past with the friendship thing… I have burned friends in the past and I am so over hurting others and myself that it’s best if I admit it to myself right now… that I prefer my own company…. Nothing wrong with that.

Being alone has gotten me back into the gym…. I’ve worked out more this last week than I’ve exercised in the last two months!!!  It could also have to do with the APFT  I recently completed.  I’ve scored the lowest score of my 26 years of doing this job!!!  It got me thinking… I have everything that I need…. I just now need to do it…

Simply beautiful....
Simply beautiful….

Today’s hike was a tough one!! It was by far the most taxing of the hikes that I’ve done here. Even though it was the shortest hike (less than a mile), it was a constant climb.
but the view was amazing!!

My life,

I sit across from you and wonder..
what are your thoughts..
if I told you what was on my mind
would you be lost
lost in a fantasy, destined to never be
lost in a reality that may not include me
or would you take a chance…..
and breathe
and finally let it go…
reach out…for once…into an unknown
and discover a place where water flows,
where music fills the soul
where hanging on…brings more sensations..
Than letting go…
Where breathing in….. then breathing out..
Brings a place that turns your world inside out.
Where inside out… feels right
where those waves would last all night…
until that music turns into light.
You’ve been there…..

i hear the things you refuse to say
you hide behind your silence
but that does not hide it…
don’t hide the beautiful words might as well try it….
Say what you have to say..
The words are destined to fade away
But the feelings will remain