Alone

So.. I’ve decided to stop trying so hard…. Who am I trying to fool?  I know that I’m pretty much burned out on friendships.  I would love to be the type of person that “hangs out” with others and go drinking and eating and all kinds of social events, but that isn’t me…. It isn’t me..

I’ve tried and tried to maintain good relationships and be “friendly”, but that is saying that something about myself is wrong.  Must I be a person surrounded by people? Must I constantly have a smile on my face and a witty thing to say?  I don’t believe that I need to.   And I shouldn’t down myself if I just want to spend time alone with my family or just reading a good book.  There are so few hours in a day that I’m not at work and stressing over other people’s emergencies.  The few hours that I have remaining, I would just love to spend at home, quietly, with my family.

The older I get, the more that I realize that it is OK to want to be surrounded by the few people who I trust.

So.. from now on, I’m a loner….. I guess that I’ve always been a loner… I was just convinced that there was something wrong with it.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be by myself……. I have been burned in the past with the friendship thing… I have burned friends in the past and I am so over hurting others and myself that it’s best if I admit it to myself right now… that I prefer my own company…. Nothing wrong with that.

Being alone has gotten me back into the gym…. I’ve worked out more this last week than I’ve exercised in the last two months!!!  It could also have to do with the APFT  I recently completed.  I’ve scored the lowest score of my 26 years of doing this job!!!  It got me thinking… I have everything that I need…. I just now need to do it…