Lucid Life

Lucid dream–shattered life–

facing darkness felt so right.

Dreaming with you—wondering how.

I can see it now.

And you find me– friendships what I make.

So you teach me to wake while my eyes’ close.

And I trust you—to wake me when I dose.

Cause you’re my friend– and heaven only knows–

what we’ve been through—

I’m lonely without you.

You didn’t wake me– to help me end this dream.

But I love you.

and I pray with all my might—that you wake up–

and live a lucid life.


Oh My Goodness!

I can’t believe I’m about to write this.  I was told that I need to accept the fact that I made a  mistake for leaving my son in Indianapolis to be with his friends and finish his high school days.

Actually this is what I think………   Love means never having to say Good-bye.  I will never say good-bye to my baby boy.  I once again feel the connection between him and me.  I think about him and when I look up I see something that reminds me of him. It makes me smile.  I hear Brandon saying “Good job, Mom!” that makes me smile too.  No one understands the connection he and I shared.  Do you think death could break that link?  I had forgiven — and it landed me in the psych ward.  That was the best thing for me at that time.  I learned coping skills. so even if it seems like i’m up and down. I’m in control now. before, I was in a fog.

I love my son so much.  I don’t regret the 19 years that I had with him. God has blessed me beyond measure!  To be Brandon’s mom. To have a chance to hold him and to love him and to be with him and to make him happy.  The memories that I hold of him are amazing.  I love all my kids.  Whatever Brandon had gotten into, whatever the outcome of all this investigation, I thank God everyday that I had him.

Brandon loved God. He loved Jesus and he is at peace.  No one can hurt him now he is not in a cruel place. He is with the Lord God, Almighty.  He is with God, Most High.  I will see him again.   I do not have to seek revenge on anyone, the Lord will be my defender.  I just can’t believe what is in some people. I should’t be surprised really.

Yes, I’m going crazy. But I think what I think and I hope that someone else thinks like me and start to investigate the happenings at IUPUI/Indiana University/Ball state.  I wonder if anyone else sees that the marked one always takes a picture with an “L” on their chest? and it points to the one who they are to be scarified for?  Does no one see the symbolism? Well I see it.  I know when someone is not telling the whole truth. Therefore they are lying.

Anyway…. I think a lot of people are rejoicing in my tragedy.  As if to say “good for her. she thought she was so special– so blessed. now look at her.” I say  Yes

Good for me.  If this is what it takes to bring me to my knees and truly worship God, Most High—bring the rain.   I love God. I love my family.  I am blessed.   I lost my beloved .  I will never forget him or replace him.  I have 2 more beloved to take care of as well.

I don’t regret giving birth to Brandon only to have him taken away at 19.   He did what he was meant to do, in the time he had.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, God Most High!!!

The Throwaway

What would you say

if I told you a tale of a boy who betrayed a friend?

While the other stood strong till the end.

What if I told you: the choice was between him or

his friends?

1 life...2 life…3 life 4

1 heart..2 hearts ——-beat no more.

a tale so horrific, you need to close the door.

Are you prepared to hear more?

A party; a drink; then remember

No more.

Sit back now…eat popcorn…and watch the rest of the show.

If you were that friend would you tell what you know?

but those shoes…..and those clothes….reminds me of my buddy next door… wait…no more—

quick…. someone  open the door!!

1 friend…2 friend….3 friend… 4

now that you’ve done IT;

you’ll do IT some more!!

The only way out through that door– is

1 friend–2 friend–3 friend or YOU!

your choice—- leave or stay;

Your choice—you’re just a throwaway.

***but I loved that throwaway, through the very last breath and I will never, ever live with regrets***

Do you want to hear more?

look around you, you’ll see the body count rise.

every term–really, it shouldn’t be a surprise


watch what you do and listen to what I say;

watch how you walk– careful where you lay.

don’t get mad when I say; you might become the next


***but don’t listen to this story, it probably not true.**

what friend would castaway a friend that was true?

this comes from a crazy lady who happened to love a certain throwaway.


to the throwaways …

this story I tell — with you in mind– it’s a tale from a crazy lady; no doubt.

the only way out— is out.

Nugget for today:  Can I remind you why a caged bird sings? Because it has a voice (I know a song)

but I wanted to stretch, to make it a little long

to show you this mother’s love is so strong. stand strong.



Lesson from a milk cup

isn’t it true!!!

Believe it * Live it * Be it!

Inspiration can come from anywhere.  Just like lessons.

The scene:  It’s breakfast time and the toddler wants a bowl of cereal.  So you pour the cereal into the bowl and then pour the milk into the bowl.  Then you put the milk back into the fridge.  You leave the room for 30 seconds.  In that time, the toddler had decided to help herself to more milk and goes into the fridge and grabs the milk carton.  You walk into the room just in time to stop the toddler from spilling the carton of milk onto the table. You’ve just by-passed a big mess.  You’ve just saved yourself from crying over that spilled milk. You feel good.  You leave the room.  Not less than 2 minutes pass and you hear….. “Mom….I just spilled some milk.”  You return to the room to find the toddler had tried to pour the left over…

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