Oh My Goodness!

I can’t believe I’m about to write this.  I was told that I need to accept the fact that I made a  mistake for leaving my son in Indianapolis to be with his friends and finish his high school days.

Actually this is what I think………   Love means never having to say Good-bye.  I will never say good-bye to my baby boy.  I once again feel the connection between him and me.  I think about him and when I look up I see something that reminds me of him. It makes me smile.  I hear Brandon saying “Good job, Mom!” that makes me smile too.  No one understands the connection he and I shared.  Do you think death could break that link?  I had forgiven — and it landed me in the psych ward.  That was the best thing for me at that time.  I learned coping skills. so even if it seems like i’m up and down. I’m in control now. before, I was in a fog.

I love my son so much.  I don’t regret the 19 years that I had with him. God has blessed me beyond measure!  To be Brandon’s mom. To have a chance to hold him and to love him and to be with him and to make him happy.  The memories that I hold of him are amazing.  I love all my kids.  Whatever Brandon had gotten into, whatever the outcome of all this investigation, I thank God everyday that I had him.

Brandon loved God. He loved Jesus and he is at peace.  No one can hurt him now he is not in a cruel place. He is with the Lord God, Almighty.  He is with God, Most High.  I will see him again.   I do not have to seek revenge on anyone, the Lord will be my defender.  I just can’t believe what is in some people. I should’t be surprised really.

Yes, I’m going crazy. But I think what I think and I hope that someone else thinks like me and start to investigate the happenings at IUPUI/Indiana University/Ball state.  I wonder if anyone else sees that the marked one always takes a picture with an “L” on their chest? and it points to the one who they are to be scarified for?  Does no one see the symbolism? Well I see it.  I know when someone is not telling the whole truth. Therefore they are lying.

Anyway…. I think a lot of people are rejoicing in my tragedy.  As if to say “good for her. she thought she was so special– so blessed. now look at her.” I say  Yes

Good for me.  If this is what it takes to bring me to my knees and truly worship God, Most High—bring the rain.   I love God. I love my family.  I am blessed.   I lost my beloved .  I will never forget him or replace him.  I have 2 more beloved to take care of as well.

I don’t regret giving birth to Brandon only to have him taken away at 19.   He did what he was meant to do, in the time he had.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, God Most High!!!