Reflections

2014 is coming to an end. This has been a trying year. The loss of little man, the loss of my sanity, the regaining of hope and now, the look forward into next year. This year’s stats; 4 months happy; 1 month devastated, 2 months psych hospital; 3 months— can’t remember (but includes 2 surgeries), now the last two months, I am bringing myself back–Thanks be to God Most High.

I never thought that I would have to live without one of my kids. It really makes you question all the beliefs held prior to his death. I mean how can a bond between a mother and child end so suddenly? I now don’t take death too seriously. and I don’t take life to seriously as well. The things that I had held dear, holds little meaning to me now. The light of the world seems dimmer.

All of the haters and the stress of the job means nothing. Nothing at all. To go back to the time when that was all I was crying about would be a miracle. But time moves on. it stops for no one.

I’ve had blessings this year as well. I still claim that I am blessed. I have a good heart. I know many dark hearts that try to distract others from enjoying their lives. I know others who lives for revenge. My darkest day is not nearly as dark as their worlds. I know this. I’ve always known it. Brandon died, and there is more to the story than others are willing to tell. That’s OK the battle is the Lord’s. It will come out in time. I just have to live the best life that I can live. I have to continue to be the best person that I can be=== despite those in my way.

Life is good. It would be better with little man here, but it is good none the less.