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Wallow

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Wallow

Come here, Babe
walk with me for a little while.
Take some time to quiet
the voices inside.
Let’s hold hands
as we watch the sun come up.
In this life,
this moment is enough.
Come a little closer, Babe
let me hold you as you sigh.
Close your eyes,
rest your head on me.
You’re not alone as you cry.
Cry
Cry
We all know the reasons for your tears.
Cry
Cry
Only you know the depth of your fears.
But, look Babe
the sun is beginning to rise.
You still can see it
even with tears in your eyes.
Your fears may never go away,
But please, please listen
to what I’m about to say.
Cry, my Love.
No-one gets to say how long.
Hide, my Love
but life continues to move on
Love, my Love
has never left your side.
You just do not feel it
as long as you hide.
Come here, Babe,
I’ll whisper it into your ear….
I did not leave.
Look up, see me…
I’m right here.
Skyy 2021

Bridgerton— Sex Scenes not making the cut

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This is my  theory about the sex scenes that did not make the final cut.

I have long believed that although Simon’s stutter was a major reason that his father rejected him, the results of his childhood  trauma led to darker behaviors. and that these darker behaviors was also one of the reasons that Simon did not want to get married.

I know that the book is different, but this is my theory about the series version.
The series showed similar story lines of the major characters with story lines of the minor characters: example,
  1. Marina’s deception towards Colin/Simon’s deception with Daphne
  2. Simon kissing Daphne in the garden(ruining her)/ Colin refusing to kiss Marina(preserving her honor.)
  1. Marina drama about the baby/Daphne’s sadness about not being pregnant
Lord Featherington had a gambling addiction
I theorize that Simon had a sex addiction.
  1. His habit of arriving late was often after he had an emotion trigger.
  2. His clothes was in disarray when he showed up.
  3. If his clothes was not in disarray, he was adjusting his clothes (at Will’s last boxing match- he was adjusting his gloves)
Insight from other Characters:
  1. Anthony not thinking Simon was decent
  2. Anthony’s reference to their shared activities at school
  3. Anthony telling Violet that even if Simon was looking for a wife, Simon should be no where near Daphne.
  4. Will’s reaction when Simon told him that Daphne was to marry. Will stated “You are free to do as you please” – Hanging out late instead of attending Balls with Daphne.
  5. Anthony saying to Simon “you confound me, you’re respectful yet you have no intention to marry” referring to Simon hanging around Daphne without being a rake with her.
  6. Daphne’s comment on the terrace “You are a rake, you are not a rake” eluding to his behavior with other women compared to his behavior with her.
  7. Daphne asking Simon who he came to say goodbye to. (there must have been someone else in the Ball that he could have said goodbye to).
  8. Simon’s admission during the breakup scene that Anthony was correct about him- He was a rake and will always be a rake.
  9. Simon telling Daphne that she was a connivence, a diversion  — I believe that Lady Whistledown was writing about his exploits. Jeffries eluded to it when he opened Simon’s curtains. Because Whistledown was writing about their “relationship” she was diverted and was no longer writing about his activities.
  10. Daphne telling her mother that SHE had decided to separate from Simon.
  11. Daphne telling Simon “I love all of you, even the parts that you feel are too dark and too shameful”
  12. Simon telling Daphne “I don’t know how to be the man you need me to be. I don’t know how to do this”
  13. Daphne telling him “Stay and we work though this together”
  14. Simon telling Anthony that they would stay in London, just the two of them.
Once it came out that sex scenes were cut, It made me think that this was supposed to be darker than it ended up. Probably because people would not relate to Simon if they saw him with multiple partners. And it we are in quarantine and needed something light and romantic.

Lose you

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The song belongs to:

Luca Fogale – I Don’t Want to Lose You (Official Audio)

 

Words that melts my heart: We can even sing songs about your past loves at my piano.

It was always hard to pin you down
And it was only natural for me to hope you’d come around
But please, take your reservations and forget them
You know things could be so easy if you’d let them
And I don’t want to lose you now
Or ever
No, I don’t want to lose you now
Or ever
And there’s a darkness in the way you sing
And something curious in how you walk as if you’ve got a broken wing
That makes me want to help you find a way to throw your shadow
We can even sing songs about your past loves at my piano
‘Cause I don’t want to lose you now
Or ever
No, I don’t want to lose you now
Or ever
And I can always feel it, when you’re getting set to run
Like you’re halfway through the chorus
And you think the song is done
But, baby, take a minute, or take a beer out from the fridge
So, maybe we can try this time to make it past the bridge
‘Cause I don’t want to lose you now,
Or ever
No, I don’t want to lose you now
Or ever
Baby, I don’t want to lose you now
Or ever
No, I don’t want to lose you now
Or ever, oh no

Bridgerton Garden Scene

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I have a theory about the Garden Scene:
hear me out.
What do you think?
Bridgerton on Netflix is Hot right now. But I think that it is hotter than we really know.
A lot of conversation may have been lost in translation (or on the cutting floor of the production).
I read that there were more sex scenes in the show that had been cut from the final production. Simon was to be a “rake” yet the show doesn’t show him being a “rake”. The conversations imply that the was “raking”.
What if— every time he was “late” to an even, he was out “raking”? The viewers wouldn’t know this because it was lost on the cutting block. 1st hint– before the promenade — His partner asks him “why so early?” he frustratedly tells her about the promenade. He rakes whenever something emotionally affects him. Assuming that he late when he rakes– when he and Daphne are standing in front of the picture what she says makes more sense. All the other pictures he donated were great, but this one is intimate. (all the other women his is with is great (physically)– but with her it could be intimate.) When leaving the art show, he goes straight home (he wants intimate). He let’s her go after Lady Dansbury talk because he knew the he was leading her on. He didn’t lie in his break up speech because he never saw her as a friend– just someone who kept the gossips focused on their “fake relationship” and off of his activities as a rake. When next he sees her, he is shocked! She is descending towards the Prince. in a virginal (yet seductive) manner as if to say– here I’m giving my virginity. (since it’s 1813– through marriage). Simon saw her. not as a bride– but sexually. When she dropped her fan- it was a message to the Duke- He was mad and walked out. Simon looks at that picture and thinks about the intimacy that Daphne was talking about and wants to stop her from making a mistake. Going back to the garden scene. Simon is doing to her, what she did to him. Daphne is focused on marriage and family and Simon is awakening her to Passion. She tells him not to question her because she didn’t question his desire to rake around. She had to figure it out for herself. “I’m going to marry a prince– he’s a good guy– he knows what he wants– he will be a good father” Simon says “will you be happy? Is he the man for you?” She will not listen and storms off. Since you won’t listen– let me show you— he kisses her. She understands. She kisses him back. They are caught.
Tell me I’m wrong.

A Letter no one wants to receive

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This is so sad!!!

If you listen closely, It sounds as if it’s his suicide letter.
Part I
Verse I- His reason for committing suicide:
i won’t see you
I won’t miss you
I won’t live for you
You’re not my future
You’re not my soulmate
I will no longer hear
I will no longer feel
Verse II- He no longer has to live in lies:
Lie 2: “I don’t regret the day I left” – Day he killed himself
Lie 3: “I don’t believe that I was blessed”- Life is a blessing
“I’m probably lying to myself again”
Lie 1: She loves me
Part II – Contemplating Suicide:
-He is the stranger in his bed because he doesn’t know who he is without her.
-He is looking for other things to find love/hope in
-He concludes that only she can fill him
Part III — Cry for help
“I want to tell all my friends. But I don’t think they would understand”
  • he wants help but he doesn’t want anyone to change his mind
“It’s something I’ve decided”
Part IV – direct letter to lover
-“I’ve been drinking. I’ve been doing things I shouldn’t do”
He’s telling her that he’s lost. He is trying to find the happiness that he could not find within himself—outside of himself. He tells her of his drinking, but refuses to tell her of the “things he should’t do” in order to protect her from hurt. Even though he, himself is hurting.
“I don’t know who I am without you”
Since he doesn’t know who he is—he can only go off of what others think he is:
“I’m a liar and a cheat. I let my ego swallow me”
It may be the words he heard from his lover. And he believes them.
And that is why he chose to die.
Part V – He dies
His last thoughts are:
“I couldn’t make you love me”
“I couldn’t make you love me”

The Dream

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The Dream

On a day, much like any other day, I walk though a field of wild flowers. I have yet to stop and take in the multiple colors of what is before me. I had yet to notice the pink and purple of the coneflowers, nor did I care for the deep orange of the Tickseeds. So focused am I on the things that are not there. Lost in thoughts, lost in life, lost in love. Just lost.

As I walk with my head bent low, I think back on what brought me here to begin with. Why this field? Why this path? Why this life? As I walk on, the wind refused to leave me alone. I did not want to feel.—Not true—I only wanted to feel the pain I lived in for years now. For years, I’ve refused to look beyond the pain. As if a badge the harder and the thighter I held, there was no chance of letting any of the memories go. My pain, my heartache, my sadness, my badge. But that wind on my face, refused to leave me be. The sway of the wild flowers refused to stand still! Back and forth they swayed, forcing me to acknowledge not only their beauty, but the movement that mimic and opening sonata of a beautiful symphony. And for the first time in years, I heard it! I felt it. I saw it!

As I reached down to touch a pedal, in the corner of my eye, I perceived a movement. A shadow really. I turned and it was then I saw you. You, not as you were, but as I perceived you are. A light, a form. A memory. A dream. That hole in my heart I had yet to fill. No matter how I tried to fill it. That wind on my face, became a voice in my head, it said “my choices are my own.I knew your love, I feel it now and it is and has always been amazing. I chose to go. why is my choice to keep, but know that your love and acceptance was what kept me so long.I’m here. I here is where I’ll be when you whisper my name. But you need to turn around.”

And I turned:  and i heard, “mom, mom, I need you.”  Annissa? I woke to hear my babygirl calling out to me. I cross the hall to find my girl dancing in front of her full length mirror. “what are you doing?” i ask. “It’s for Tik Tok mom, come on.”  “OK” I say, “start from the beginning”

Treadmill talks

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Sam Smith helping me get back in shape.

My treadmill has not logged much miles lately.  It’s time to make good on this purchase. I have made a commitment to walk a few miles daily.  It’s time to get reenergized.

Sam Smith just happens to be on my playlist. “Diamonds” is so touching. I feel for him.

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