Bridgerton Garden Scene

I have a theory about the Garden Scene:
hear me out.
What do you think?
Bridgerton on Netflix is Hot right now. But I think that it is hotter than we really know.
A lot of conversation may have been lost in translation (or on the cutting floor of the production).
I read that there were more sex scenes in the show that had been cut from the final production. Simon was to be a “rake” yet the show doesn’t show him being a “rake”. The conversations imply that the was “raking”.
What if— every time he was “late” to an even, he was out “raking”? The viewers wouldn’t know this because it was lost on the cutting block. 1st hint– before the promenade — His partner asks him “why so early?” he frustratedly tells her about the promenade. He rakes whenever something emotionally affects him. Assuming that he late when he rakes– when he and Daphne are standing in front of the picture what she says makes more sense. All the other pictures he donated were great, but this one is intimate. (all the other women his is with is great (physically)– but with her it could be intimate.) When leaving the art show, he goes straight home (he wants intimate). He let’s her go after Lady Dansbury talk because he knew the he was leading her on. He didn’t lie in his break up speech because he never saw her as a friend– just someone who kept the gossips focused on their “fake relationship” and off of his activities as a rake. When next he sees her, he is shocked! She is descending towards the Prince. in a virginal (yet seductive) manner as if to say– here I’m giving my virginity. (since it’s 1813– through marriage). Simon saw her. not as a bride– but sexually. When she dropped her fan- it was a message to the Duke- He was mad and walked out. Simon looks at that picture and thinks about the intimacy that Daphne was talking about and wants to stop her from making a mistake. Going back to the garden scene. Simon is doing to her, what she did to him. Daphne is focused on marriage and family and Simon is awakening her to Passion. She tells him not to question her because she didn’t question his desire to rake around. She had to figure it out for herself. “I’m going to marry a prince– he’s a good guy– he knows what he wants– he will be a good father” Simon says “will you be happy? Is he the man for you?” She will not listen and storms off. Since you won’t listen– let me show you— he kisses her. She understands. She kisses him back. They are caught.
Tell me I’m wrong.

A Letter no one whats to receive


This is so sad!!!

If you listen closely, It sounds as if it’s his suicide letter.
Part I
Verse I- His reason for committing suicide:
i won’t see you
I won’t miss you
I won’t live for you
You’re not my future
You’re not my soulmate
I will no longer hear
I will no longer feel
Verse II- He no longer has to live in lies:
Lie 2: “I don’t regret the day I left” – Day he killed himself
Lie 3: “I don’t believe that I was blessed”- Life is a blessing
“I’m probably lying to myself again”
Lie 1: She loves me
Part II – Contemplating Suicide:
-He is the stranger in his bed because he doesn’t know who he is without her.
-He is looking for other things to find love/hope in
-He concludes that only she can fill him
Part III — Cry for help
“I want to tell all my friends. But I don’t think they would understand”
  • he wants help but he doesn’t want anyone to change his mind
“It’s something I’ve decided”
Part IV – direct letter to lover
-“I’ve been drinking. I’ve been doing things I shouldn’t do”
He’s telling her that he’s lost. He is trying to find the happiness that he could not find within himself—outside of himself. He tells her of his drinking, but refuses to tell her of the “things he should’t do” in order to protect her from hurt. Even though he, himself is hurting.
“I don’t know who I am without you”
Since he doesn’t know who he is—he can only go off of what others think he is:
“I’m a liar and a cheat. I let my ego swallow me”
It may be the words he heard from his lover. And he believes them.
And that is why he chose to die.
Part V – He dies
His last thoughts are:
“I couldn’t make you love me”
“I couldn’t make you love me”

The Dream

The Dream

On a day, much like any other day, I walk though a field of wild flowers. I have yet to stop and take in the multiple colors of what is before me. I had yet to notice the pink and purple of the coneflowers, nor did I care for the deep orange of the Tickseeds. So focused am I on the things that are not there. Lost in thoughts, lost in life, lost in love. Just lost.

As I walk with my head bent low, I think back on what brought me here to begin with. Why this field? Why this path? Why this life? As I walk on, the wind refused to leave me alone. I did not want to feel.—Not true—I only wanted to feel the pain I lived in for years now. For years, I’ve refused to look beyond the pain. As if a badge the harder and the thighter I held, there was no chance of letting any of the memories go. My pain, my heartache, my sadness, my badge. But that wind on my face, refused to leave me be. The sway of the wild flowers refused to stand still! Back and forth they swayed, forcing me to acknowledge not only their beauty, but the movement that mimic and opening sonata of a beautiful symphony. And for the first time in years, I heard it! I felt it. I saw it!

As I reached down to touch a pedal, in the corner of my eye, I perceived a movement. A shadow really. I turned and it was then I saw you. You, not as you were, but as I perceived you are. A light, a form. A memory. A dream. That hole in my heart I had yet to fill. No matter how I tried to fill it. That wind on my face, became a voice in my head, it said “my choices are my own.I knew your love, I feel it now and it is and has always been amazing. I chose to go. why is my choice to keep, but know that your love and acceptance was what kept me so long.I’m here. I here is where I’ll be when you whisper my name. But you need to turn around.”

And I turned:  and i heard, “mom, mom, I need you.”  Annissa? I woke to hear my babygirl calling out to me. I cross the hall to find my girl dancing in front of her full length mirror. “what are you doing?” i ask. “It’s for Tik Tok mom, come on.”  “OK” I say, “start from the beginning”

Treadmill talks

Sam Smith helping me get back in shape.

My treadmill has not logged much miles lately.  It’s time to make good on this purchase. I have made a commitment to walk a few miles daily.  It’s time to get reenergized.

Sam Smith just happens to be on my playlist. “Diamonds” is so touching. I feel for him.


Caring too much

Life is hard when you care too much.

Life is hard when you feel too much.

Others know how kind your heart is and they take advantage of that kindness.

Then sees that Kindness as weakness.

Giving youself to others who only want to take what they can get from you is heartbreaking.

The trick in life is to stop.. Stop feeing guilty for the blessings that you have.  Stop feeling sorry for others that do not have.

Because in reality, they have. They would just rather  just spend your money than spend their own.

It seems that in with world.  People do not care if they are taking advantage of others as long as they get what they want.

Ask yourself, who is there for you?  If you needed something from someone else, would they be there for you?  More liklely than not, they have other things to do.  You have concern for others, yet the others have no concern for you.

It’s a trip.

It is OK to say NO.  It is OK to enjoy your blessings.  It is OK to not care.

You are not a bad person if you put yourself first.

You deserve to be kind to yourself.  You do not have to take others problems on as your own.

Believe me, they don’t care that much about you.


I’m sitting here thinking about inspiration

I’m sitting here wondering what’s next

I’m looking to you, expecting you to bring out my best.

You inspire my dedication, you inspire my motativation

without you I’m lacking direction.

Letting go of old hurts

Sometimes when you love yourself, you realize that holding on to old pain is pointless. The best thing to do is to let it all go once and for all. I’ve come to the fork in the road that  demands that I let go of all the shit that I’ve been through in the past.  It means that I have to take an honest look at the people in my life that has not been there for my best interest and to finally let them go.  And I have. It might have taken years for me to get to the point that I realize that some people hang around not because they have any concern for me, but because they want to keep tabs on me.  It makes them feel better about themselves to think that they may still have some small hold on me.  Guess what?  You have no hold on me.  You didn’t then and you don’t now.  The only difference it that I am aware of that fact now.  It is okay that some people do not like me.  I don’t like them.  There is nothing to feel guilty about. What I should have said years ago was… Fuck you!! You had no right to treat me the way that you did. I always had the right to say Fuck you!! But because I was so sweet and so nice, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.  Even when you were tearing me down. Even when you participated in harassment. I was too nice to call you out.  Well guess what……. Fuck you.

Letting go of old hurts is so refreshing. Saying Fuck you is better than years of therapy.